Space for Brabus

I read this poem about a year ago, when I needed some strengths.  Yesterday, I found this at, strangely enough, a textile store in Pasar Baru (hmm….)

Footprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?”

The Lord replied,
“The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand,
is when I carried you.”

Mary Stevenson

http://www.footprints-inthe-sand.com/

http://freespace.virgin.net/derek.berger/footprints.html

Now is 10.41 pm, I just turned on my laptop…and instead of working, I chose to update my blog instead.

Today, my housekeeper turned the TV to the serial "Aku bukan untukmu" (I’m not for you).  Based on the title, I can figure out that this is not a comedy.  Thus the story went on, between a guy and a girl, who were having problems.  The girl then decided to leave Jakarta and, like a good tear jerker, the guy came running to the bus depot, screamed the girl’s name, and proclaimed that he didn’t want her to go.  Of course then the girl got hit by a truck and died on his lap.

First of all, the girl was at a bus station, i even think it was a cul de sac.  So there was no reason for the truck to run at a high speed, because it was a dead end anyway.  And also, the truck didn’t even run that fast…it was like 5 mph *I swear*…the truck moved so slow that the scene was not even in a slow motion mode…and the girl bled so much blood like she was ran over by a truck coming to her at 80 mph.

Second, after the girl got hit by the truck, the guy came running to her and put her on his lap…while the bystanders circled the couple and watched.  The guy professed his love…and of course, the girl bled to death on his lap…because NO ONE, i repeat NO ONE, called an ambulance!!!  Why people never call an ambulance in Indonesian drama series is beyond me.  Police? yes…funeral car? yes…but never ambulance. 

I guess there is no such thing as a happy ending.  There is always an excess baggage behind it.

I don’t believe in happy ending. I think it is overrated.

My best friend is coming home to Indonesia next week.  Is she back for good? Somehow, I hope so.  Sometimes, it’s just nice to have someone who knows you inside out close by.

I’ve been having headaches this week.

Two days ago, my writing got slammed.  I got the lowest score out of all the MTs.

Two nites ago, I only got one hour of sleep, cuz I was trying to improve my  writing in the next assignment…biting my nails everyday now, waiting on the result.

Yesterday, I had a fight with my mom and we are still in a non speaking term until now.

Last nite I dreamt of SF…walking home from Union Square, laughing, having dinner with Theresa, Yute, Sisil, and Doyo, laughing, being in LIM 21, laughing, ignoring Doyo, laughing…

Today, I feel this small…

I am tired.

As I sit here in front of the computer at 2.32 AM, having finished 2 assignments at once (yesshh!!), waiting for my CD to finish burning, still high on starbx caramel macchiatto (Gosh, did I spell that correctly?), I wonder

• If I can work well tomorrow with only 3.5 hours of sleep
• If I can go straight home tomorrow from the office (no overtime, please)
• If I can manage to have my mom pick me up so we can use the (bastard) 3 in 1 rule thing so I can go home faster
• If I can cram the whole 5 books of CFA materials before Sunday’s test
• If I can finish taking the test at 5 pm, go to church at 7, then work on the individual assignment

Most of all, I wonder whether I can survive this weekend…gosh, I think I am getting old.

CFA is coming this weekend *gulp*…please pray for me =)