Space for Brabus

I watched this show called "Rollergirls" sometimes ago…one of the lines that the character said is something like this (sorry can’t remember the exact sentence LOL):

"I’m happy to see people move out of town, which means they are moving on with their life…but there’s nothing like a friend moving on to remind you that you are still stuck in the same place"

A friend just moved to Australia a couple of months ago.  Two weeks ago she texted message me, saying that even though they’re still in the process of starting over, her husband and she are very happy there. 

Twice I managed to escape Jakarta, twice I thought I had made it…and twice I got kicked right back to Jakarta.  I thought I moved on…but then, last week, I found myself working on an assignment, on Saturday nite, at 1 AM, while listening to the radio…just like high school, just like my undergraduate years.  Nothing has changed.  I guess I haven’t moved on. 

More than 1 year has passed, yet I’m still dreaming of escaping Jakarta once again.  Here waiting for someone to rescue me and bring me back to sunny San Diego…

I usually do things after thinking it through.  Yes, I worry about what others think of me.  But then, is it a sin to be carefree and spontaneous?  Is it a sin to let your guard down once in a while? After what just happened, I feel that it IS a sin.  People don’t say it, but they judge you with their eyes, tones, and gestures.

The question now is, should I conform to the society’s rule?

Sometimes I like to hurt in silence, sometimes I like to let out all of my pain …please let me hurt in my own way.